Performance Anxiety

Performance Anxiety

 

"Everyone knows" men are up for sex anytime, anywhere, right? It's a view typified by a survey shown by Professor Robert Winstone in the BBC TV series The Human Body.

 

It showed men on a university campus approached by attractive young women they'd never seen before who "popped the question."

 

"I've noticed you around and I find you very attractive. Would you sleep with me tonight?"

Of the dozen questioned, only one refused – "Because I have an exam tomorrow." When the roles were reversed and men approached women with the same line, none of the women accepted the request.

That readiness of men to engage makes it all the more difficult for men who freeze when presented with the opportunity to have sex.

They suffer from performance anxiety, a surprisingly common sexual problem which overcomes men – and sometimes women – with crippling anxiety when called upon to have sex.

How Performance Anxiety Affects Men

Performance anxiety can strike in a number of ways, by either making an erection difficult, by not being able to penetrate adequately or by finding their erection flops part way through proceedings.

If it happens once, it can lead to a vicious cycle of fear which blocks normal sexual response and spontaneity, and leaves the man feeling self-conscious, insecure and anxious it will become a permanent state of sexual dysfunction.

It can lead to depression, anxiety, low self-confidence and reluctance to get involved in intimate relationships out of fear they will not be able to perform.

Why Performance Anxiety Happens

It may be difficult to analyse just what the stress is that caused you to be anxious – and it could be the cumulative effect of a number of things which singly would not seem so serious. You may have been prescribed a new medication – say for blood pressure or depression –  while also under stress at work and home.

Then you take out a woman you have lusted after for years and have the opportunity to have sex. It's important to you to make a good impression – and suddenly you feel a mine shaft open beneath your feet. You're not sure you can do it. Your body isn't responding like it usually does (could be a subtle effect of the medication you haven't experienced before which usually would not bother you).

And the doubt forms in your mind that you haven't got what it takes any longer. Once this is lodged in your mind, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Before you know it you've set up a "flight or fright" response. Under conditions where the body feels threatened, the blood flow leaves the extremities and focuses on the essential organs (heart, lungs, essential muscles).

How to Cure Performance Anxiety

• Healthy Mind

If you've experienced episodes of performance anxiety, be kind to yourself. Don't put yourself under extra pressure by striking out on one night stands, or by tackling a "man-eating woman" with high sex needs.

Try to ensure you are in a good relationship with a sex partner who is loving and supportive and finds you genuinely attractive. Take your time and allow yourself to fully appreciate the things you like about her.

Give yourself permission to be human. You don't have to be James Bond. Pornography has built unrealistic expectations about what sex is about anyway. Accept you can't be all "high performance" all the time and if you've had a failure or two, it's all part of life, not a prediction of failure stretching into the future.

Allow yourself to let go of fears and think positively.

• Healthy Body

There may be constructive steps you can take to give your body extra support. Ensure you are getting plenty of sleep, and take steps to identify sources of stress and deal with them. If it is years since you've had a decent holiday, take one. And then there are the perennial issues of eating well and exercising regularly. If you're on medication, check whether it causes erectile problems or low libido.

Heavy alcohol use could be contributing to your anxiety – be very honest with yourself about how much you are drinking, and adjust intake if necessary. If none of these work, consider hypnosis or counselling.

Some therapists suggest using an erection drug like Viagra or Cialis as a confidence booster, or otherwise you could use a herbal supplement like Herbal Ignite. Just be aware that you don't want to become dependent on a pharmaceutical product to have sex.